DJC#027 – Lessons Learned: 2,557 Days of Being A Dad

Our son turned 7 this week, and like every birthday of his, I was brought back to the memories leading up to his birth. My wife’s pregnancy, preparing for his arrival, the baby showers (yes we had two), and especially the 34 hours at the hospital before he was born.

It’s a time for me to reflect on the person and Dad that I have become from day 1 to day 2,557. The day gives me the reminder to thank my wife for the most wonderful gift that she could give me. I take the opportunity to be grateful for all the challenging times we dealt with leading up to that special day.

I should remind you that I have two older stepsons that I helped raise, so I did have some experience with this parenting thing, but it’s different. First of all, by the time my wife and I were living together the boys were 6 and 8, so I had no experience with the newborn and toddler ages! Sure I had nieces and nephews, but you know what that’s like – hold them, play with them, give them gifts, and then hand them back to their parents. Doing Dad from the start is a whole different experience.

Today I’d like to share a few things I have learned over the past 7 years of being a Dad. Now there’s probably a million lessons learned, but here are a few that you can carry with you going forward and share with other Dads.

No Sleep Til Baby

I’ve never been a morning person until recently. I was always a night-owl staying up to study, write papers, binge-watching shows before it was a thing. When I became a Dad I had no idea how my sleep would forever change.

Before I never paid attention to sleep. I was younger-ish and usually would only notice when I was up late the night before. When our son was born, he did not like to sleep. My wife and I were sleep-deprived zombies for at least the first year and a half. I’ve never been so tired in my life. I was so tired would fall asleep on the floor next to our son while he was playing, I’d knock out next to him in bed, and I’d even fall asleep rocking him to sleep.

Hopefully this wasn’t your experience, or won’t be your experience. But if it is, listen to me: Sleep as much as you can, whenever you can, and wherever you can.

It’s taken me many years to realize how important sleep actually is. And not just the quantity, but the quality. Maybe it’s my age now, but I get headaches if I don’t get enough sleep. I’m still not great, but I’ve improved a little will continue to improve.

Time Is Not On Your Side

I’m the first to admit that I’m not great with time-management. In my head I always think things will take less time to complete than they do. Bad at estimating I guess – which isn’t great since I used to be an estimator in my previous career.

After our son was born, I felt like I had no time. Every second of the day was filled. There was not even time to fix some thing around the house. I specifically remember an argument my wife and I had about watching our son so that she could do something important in the house, while I was crawling under our house to fix a drain pipe that was leaking. Someone has to watch the baby, and it gets tough when each partner is trying to do something else as well. Both of us had something to do to help our family, but we didn’t communicate it well…the story of our lives.

Planning became imperative in the early days, and it helps even more when they grow up and have their activities. The more you look ahead, the better prepared you will be and you’ll have less stress (I didn’t say stress-free). Shared family calendars are a must and a physical whiteboard can give you an extra boost (we recently implemented this).

The other big thing with time I found, is that unfortunately you have to make sacrifices and give certain things up. It’s a simple math equation:

Your time before being a Dad – Time to care for your child = 0

There’s no physical way to do everything you did before. Your life changed and that’s okay. Accept it, then embrace it. It really forces you to think about what is really important to you, and find creative ways to keep that a part of your life. It can also open up new doors to find new activities to share with your child and partner.

I parted ways with fantasy football, then watching football, and then watching sports (rarely do these days). Golfing is another thing I used to do sometimes and now it’s rare. Who has 4+ hours to spend on a gold course? Time just because more valuable than it was before because now it comes at a premium. The sooner you accept this, the sooner you can move forward and design your Dad life. And if you’re anything like me, you’d rather being spending it with your child anyways.

Practice Self-Care

This is something I ignored for the majority of my life, but I have bought into the hype. Still a ways to go, but I’m at least in the car and on the road. Taking care of yourself is an imperative part of becoming a great Dad and the best version of yourself.

I’d be sick as a dog, but I’d be damned if I was going to miss work. Who was going to cover me? And worse, I’m going to have so much more work to do when I get back? This was the mentality I grew up in – rarely missing school when I was young – and it transferred into my adult life.

Listening to your body and taking care of your physical health will allow you to rest when you need it in order to get back on track. Disregarding that is only going to make it worse and eventually knock you out for longer. Being a Dad is hard, but being a sick Dad is brutal.

And let’s not forget your mental health. Everything said about your physical health can be repeated right here. You must prioritize this as well so that you can lower your stress levels, increase your patience, and be more present.

You’re probably sick of hearing it, but I’m going to say it again because I believe these are so important: walking/exercising, meditating and journaling. If you can find a way to make all three of these (or your own version of them) a part of your life, I promise you will see the results and be a better version of yourself.

7 Years

Reflecting as 7 years as a Dad, I’m reminded of the incredible journey I’ve been on. From the sleepless nights that tested my endurance to giving up activities in life in order to have new ones, to learning how to care for myself. I’m a different man 7 years later. I’d like to think I’m a better man as well. I’m definitely a better Dad 7 years on the job.

No matter where you are on your journey, work on becoming better, make it your own and share it with others. We’re all on this lifelong roadtrip, and we can use all the tips and tricks out there.

Until next Sunday, stay reflecting and learning.